At the start of 2024, I set out to tick off 40 items as I turned 40. How many kinky items did I get to? Just ONE. I’m going to ignore all the things My recovering perfectionist of a brain is saying, and simply say I am disappointed. I thought I had a great plan … [Tell me more…]
Breaking up in a BDSM power exchange dynamic can be particularly challenging due to the unique emotional, psychological, and structural elements of the relationship. These breakups often feel more difficult for all involved. This is noticeable as part of what makes these relationships so special, is the depths and expansiveness of where they reach. Power … [Tell me more…]
Navigating BDSM social and, in my case, a professional space often requires interaction with a wide range of people, groups, and organizations. From event hosts, to start-up kinky ventures and community acquaintances to people you may not particularly like, the world is full of diverse personalities. However, the notion that being polite and maintaining a … [Tell me more…]
I am be ranting but follow me… Ever since I was a kid, I hated my name. Genuinely distasted being called it. My parents thought it would a great idea to combine their two names (I see you other Black families!). In theory this can work, in practice it usually ends up feeling forced. I … [Tell me more…]
Over the years I’ve pondered some important questions… But my latest one has not stopped niggling in the back of my mind… Am I Queer? But what is ‘Queer’ anyway I’ve thought often. Is it a sexual orientation? A gender identity or expression? A community and culture flair? After years of reading, examining, and listening … [Tell me more…]
If you don’t know already… I. Love. Service. Submission. When I first stepped into the world of kink, the biggest draw for me aside from sexual growth was the desire to be catered to. The classical imagery of Femdoms with their feet up, a constantly topped up glass in their hand, massages on demand, attentiveness … [Tell me more…]
A couple of weekends ago, I taught at the popular kinky weekend-long, true, complete hotel takeover, Winter Fire. My marker for the “success” of an event I attend is normally: With those in mind, the event was a total success! I have denied (ignored?) that I have a total Ownership fetish. What’s that mean? To … [Tell me more…]
Just like clockwork, every few months for the last decade or so, I’ll receive a message or comment like the one I was confronted with in person recently. It was disgust disguised as concern. I’ve seen it before…. I can’t believe someone like you still uses the word ‘sissy.’ The history of ‘sissy’ When I … [Tell me more…]
For some people, it’s flattering to be admired and imitated. Some of the most famous celebrities have their style, copied from one project to the next, and the kinky community is no different. For others like myself, being copied can often feel like identity theft. Just as you reading this, I am a unique person. … [Tell me more…]