Can’t spell ‘insomnia’ without ‘I’

I’ve really got to stop blogging when I’m in a fuckingchristdidthatreallyhappen mood, which seems to be often as of late.

I started a new job this week, so far I’m just settling in but it’s doable. I’ve been seeing the new bf on and off all week between hanging out with friends. We managed to spend a whopping 4 hours together this week.

Some things are moving and shaking around here, the roommate I mentioned getting two months ago is being evicted by me and this has made me get down about looking for a replacement. I hate looking for roommates and it usually proves to be more headache than it’s usually worth. Therefore, I’ve been contemplating moving myself into an apartment with other roommates. Sometimes it’s nice to be the landlord but other times I definitely miss the simplicity of just handing over rent money to someone else to take care of.

As it has stood all this month I’ve been waiting on other people before I make a decision.

I was waiting to see if the current roommate was going to pay rent on time or move out…he paid late and is being evicted.

I was waiting to hear if a friend from cross-country moving to the area was going to rent my room…but he didn’t.

I showed the room to a guy who said everything shy of “I’ll take it!” and was waiting to hear back from him last weekend…but didn’t hear anything.

But most importantly, I was waiting to hear from the new bf on whether or not he was going to move in with me.

We have discussed this pretty in depth (and have the notion planted solely because he rekindled that fire), not forgetting to mention the pros and cons of doing so. When we talked about it yesterday he said a phrase that made me feel special.

He said, “If you aren’t there at night, I won’t feel comfortable sleeping in our bed alone.”

I started thinking, our bed, our home, our clothes, our rules…but how foolish of me.

I think he said it without realizing that he had said ‘ours’ in such a way it made me feel loved. Just for a tiny second I felt my heart flutter.

Few people have wanted to “share” anything with this Mistress.

But today, which was our pre-planned decision day, he tells me that he can’t make a decision.

[Insert mini-heart stomping]

I told him that I wouldn’t hold it against him if he said he couldn’t or just didn’t want to live me. And I wouldn’t. But I feel like not making a decision at all is asinine. I would rather hear “No” as opposed to the silence of wish-washy indecisiveness.

He asked for another week to decide. And whether or not I agreed to give him another week to decide he will do whatever works for him and I will do whatever works for me.

Frankly, I’m tired of waiting for other people to make a decision. I’m just going to do what works best for this Mistress and everything will either work out or go horribly horribly wrong.

I guess it’s back to my empty bed…T-Minus 3 Days