With nearly 20 years of helping the kink community under My belt, I felt the need to speak up last week. In the first part of My blog into kink volunteerism, I examined the noble intentions behind volunteering and its potential to create positive change in communities. I also broke down the darker side of this altruistic endeavor: the exploitation that often lurks beneath the surface.
While many volunteers enter into service for the kink community with hopes of making a difference, there are troubling instances where organizations, groups, and “Community Leaders” may take advantage of their goodwill, leading to ethical dilemmas and adverse effects on both volunteers and the kink communities they aim to support.
In part two, I’ll discuss the implications for volunteers and organizations alike, and highlight the importance of fostering ethical practices in the volunteers sector within any community. Let’s jump right in!
The emotional impacts of exploitation
Even with clear boundaries, respect, and proper recognition you may still suffer some negative emotional effects within volunteerism that make it hard to sustain without self care.
- Burnout: The most immediate consequence of volunteer exploitation is burnout. This is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress and overwork. Burnout not only affects your ability to continue volunteering but can also spill over into other areas of your life, impacting your personal and professional relationships. By giving so much time to BDSM volunteer projects I’ve put High Protocol training, sissification structure, play dates, vanilla volunteering, and more on the back burner.
- Resentment and disillusionment: When volunteers feel exploited, they can become resentful towards the organization or community and disillusioned with the cause they once believed in. This resentment can lead to a loss of motivation, and in some cases, volunteers may choose to leave the community altogether. I would be lying if I said I never had thoughts of leaving the community after a particularly bad experience volunteering My time, energy, and resources graciously.
- Mental health consequences: Prolonged exploitation can also have serious mental health consequences, including anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. Volunteers may find themselves constantly worrying about their commitments, feeling guilty for not doing enough (this is me!), or struggling with the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. For the last decade (maybe more), I’ve added more and more volunteer hours to My kink schedule every year.
Currently I am experiencing all of these. When volunteers are overworked, underappreciated, or placed in roles that do not match their skills there are detrimental effects. I experience physical and emotional exhaustion from kink volunteering. This chronic stress has directly minified My enthusiasm and commitment, causing feelings of disillusionment about the community’s mission, organizations leadership choices/direction, and the future of kink.
Moreover, the lack of support and recognition can contribute to feelings of frustration, which can further strain mental health. If you’ve experienced this as a volunteer, you may find yourself questioning your value and purpose, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of isolation. Ultimately, when the passion for helping others turns into a source of distress, it not only affects the individuals involved but can also hinder the effectiveness of the community they serve.
Strategies to protect yourself
The first step in protecting yourself from exploitation is to set clear boundaries. Be explicit about how much time you can commit, what tasks you’re willing to take on, and when you’re available. Communicate these boundaries to the organization from the start and don’t be afraid to reinforce them if necessary.
In the coming year My boundaries surrounding this are:
- I will not present classes via Discord any longer (sorry) as it’s too finicky for quality presenting
- I will not be a ‘Beta tester’ teacher at events if it’s their first rodeo nor allow My content to be behind someone else’s website/organization paywall
- I will not design any more kinky marketing material for groups/individuals without payment – personal friends are the exception
- I will not engage with chastity sluts unless they ‘pay to play’ – this one sucks but it’s been a long time coming (see what I did there? Heh)
- I will not teach any more 101 classes unless it is a very special exception – let the newcomers hear from their peers on this front
This isn’t pointed at any one organization, group, or “Community Leader”, this is on the whole due to My experience with several over the years and I’ve reached My polite limit.
The next step is to know your worth
Understand the value you bring to the community and don’t let anyone diminish that. Just because you’re not (often) being paid doesn’t mean your time and skills are any less valuable. As someone who has a robust social, work, and poly life, time is My most valuable resource. If you feel that you’re being asked to do more than is fair, it’s important to speak up.
If you start to feel overwhelmed, communicate your concerns to the offending party clearly. A good individual, nonprofit or community group will be receptive to feedback and willing to adjust your role if it’s becoming too much. A red flag: Your concerns are dismissed. This is usually a sign that the organization isn’t respecting you or its volunteers.
I’ve found it helpful to find allies within the organization or look for external resources where you can share your experiences and get advice. Sometimes, just talking about your concerns with other volunteers can help you gain perspective and find solutions.
When to walk away
It’s important (but hard) to recognize when a volunteer role is no longer sustainable. I look to see if I am constantly stressed, feeling unappreciated, concerned about emotional manipulation, or if my personal life is suffering. These are indicators that it might be time to step back from kink volunteering.
Your well-being should always come first! Prioritize self-care and don’t let guilt or pressure keep you in a volunteer role that’s harming you. Remember, there are plenty of other opportunities to contribute to causes you care about in ways that are healthy and balanced.
Leaving a volunteer role doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re no longer committed to the cause. You only have so many spoons. It’s okay to move on and find new opportunities that align better with your current needs and boundaries. When you leave (or take a break), do so respectfully and offer to help find a replacement if part of the agreement.
Volunteerism is a vital part of our special interest community, providing essential support to countless clubs, events, and affiliates, bringing fulfillment to those who give their time. It’s crucial to recognize the potential for exploitation and take steps to protect yourself. By setting boundaries, knowing your worth, and communicating effectively, you can enjoy the rewards of volunteer work without falling into the trap of over-commitment and burnout.
If you’re in the camp of requiring volunteers remember to create opportunities for volunteers to provide feedback on their honest experiences without retaliation, allowing your organization to make necessary adjustments. Ensure that your policies prioritize ethical treatment of volunteers, including fair recruitment and compensation practices (free tickets +1, discounted hotel/parking/shopping, free self promotion, exclusive volunteer swag, etc.) where applicable. Aim to create a positive and respectful environment that values volunteers and promotes their well-being because we’re not just “another set of hands”.