I share a lot of the positives of My lifestyle but it’s not always an easy lifestyle. Being a Femdom is an exercise in power, control, and the careful orchestration of a dynamic that feeds everyone involved. But let Me be real for a moment—it’s also an exercise in patience. And when you’re a Dominant who enjoys rigid structure, particular protocols, and the slow-drip satisfaction of training a submissive who fully embodies your expectations, dealing with a neurodivergent submissive (or in My case two!)—especially ones with ADHD—can feel like trying to fill a sieve with water.
Before the neurodivergent readers and/or subs get defensive—this isn’t about a lack of care, devotion, or willingness. If anything, many of you are some of the most passionate, eager-to-please submissives I’ve ever encountered. Your desire is not the issue. It’s the follow-through.
The reality of ADHD in D/s dynamics
ADHD is not just about being hyper or easily distracted—it’s a neurological difference that impacts executive function, memory, and impulse control. It affects how someone retains and processes information. This means that no matter how much a submissive wants to remember a protocol or ritual, their brain may simply not retain it without constant reinforcement. It means that the very structure and discipline that I, as a bossy FemDaddy, crave can be the exact thing that slips through their fingers like smoke.
And let’s talk about working memory—the thing that allows someone to hold multiple steps in their mind at once.
When a neurodivergent person—especially someone with ADHD—struggles with working memory, it can create recurring frustrations in relationships with neurotypical partners. Working memory is the ability to hold and manipulate information in the short term, and when it’s impaired, even simple tasks, conversations, or agreements can become lost in the shuffle.
When that function is impaired, something as simple as a nightly foot worship ritual can feel like an endless reset. They can genuinely love the rule, find deep pleasure in following it, and still forget it. Over and over. And over.
For neurotypical partners, this can feel like being ignored, not cared for, or like they have to constantly repeat themselves. Meanwhile, the neurodivergent partner isn’t forgetting out of malice or indifference—their brain just doesn’t store or retrieve the information the same way. Here’s how this disconnect plays out:
- I, as the Mistress, will share something meaningful, but the neurotypical subs don’t retain it. This could be anything from “Hey, My work event is Friday at 6” to “I don’t like when you interrupt Me during morning tasks.”
- Then, as the neurotypical Dominant, I feel like I’m talking into the void when I have to repeat Myself—again, inevitably.
- The neurodivergent subs often feels awful when reminded, but guilt doesn’t fix the issue.
Impact: Whether they realize it or not, it starts to feel like what I am asking doesn’t matter and this can lead to defensiveness or avoidance within the neurodivergent subs because they may feel like a failure.
The struggle of micro-managing
For a Domme who thrives on structure and consistency, having to constantly reteach expectations is honestly, exhausting. I want My commands to be absorbed, to be internalized, to become second nature. I don’t enjoy feeling like I have to, for lack of a better word, “babysit” adults who claims they love rules and discipline, only to forget the most basic ones unless I micromanage every step.
And yes, I hear the solutions:
- Make lists! Done. Forgotten.
- Use reminders! Set, ignored.
- Have consequences! They feel guilty, but it doesn’t fix the issue, and beating for something they can’t help feels a bit more sinister than My usual sadism.
- Be patient! How patient am I supposed to be when we’re on month six of the same forgotten rule?
There’s only so much grace I can extend before it starts feeling like I’m carrying the entire mental load of the dynamic on My shoulders. And that’s not the dynamic I want. I didn’t sign up to be the only one remembering the rules, the only one holding the line, the only one investing the effort. That’s not Dominance—that’s babysitting—and these aren’t Age Play dynamics I’ve consented to.
Neurotypical partners often take on more mental labor in the relationship—keeping track of plans, organizing daily life, remembering emotional needs, etc. The neurodivergent partner(s) may not even realize how much they’re leaning on their partner for memory support. Over time, this dynamic can lead to burnout and resentment in the neurotypical partner and I would like to avoid getting to that place personally.
A call for balance
Now, I’m not saying neurodivergent submissives should be avoided or written off. I’ve had some fulfilling dynamics with partners whose minds worked differently from My own. But what I am saying is that if you are a neurodivergent individual and/or submissive, you need to understand the additional mental strain this places on your Dominant. You need to take accountability and actively seek out systems that work for you—not just ones that sound good in theory but fail in practice.
What if you want to bridge the gap? I believe there’s a way, but it takes everyone involved to get on the same page.
For neurodivergent partners:
- Use external tools—planners, alarms, notes, voice memos—to support working memory
- Be upfront about your struggles, so your partner knows it’s not personal when you forget things
- Set up systems for accountability rather than relying on your partner as a reminder service
For neurotypical partners:
- Understand that forgetting ≠ not caring. Separate intention from ability
- Offer reminders in non-judgmental ways (e.g., “Hey, I know memory is tough—do you want me to write this down for you?”)
- If a task is critical, ask the neurodivergent partner to repeat it back or set a reminder immediately
For all parties:
- Work together to find strategies that prevent resentment
- Approach frustration with compassion, not blame
- Remember that love and D/s isn’t about perfection—it’s about understanding and adaptation
If you need a checklist, use it. If you need a routine broken down into micro-steps, commit to it. If you need external accountability, set it up without waiting for Me to do it for you. Because at the end of the day, I want to be your Domme, not your personal assistant. By recognizing and working around the challenges of working memory, executive functioning, communication barriers, and more, neurodivergent-neurotypical relationships can strengthen their relationship instead of letting frustration drive them apart.
And that distinction? That’s what keeps the power dynamic intact.