Over the years I’ve pondered some important questions…

• Am I too old to purchase an electric scooter?
• Is it ironic that my favorite flavor of ice cream really is vanilla?
• When is the extraterrestrial first contact scheduled, are they running late?

But my latest one has not stopped niggling in the back of my mind…

Am I Queer?

But what is ‘Queer’ anyway I’ve thought often. Is it a sexual orientation? A gender identity or expression? A community and culture flair?

After years of reading, examining, and listening to many of my closest friends LGBTQIA+ experiences, I’ve realized it’s all these things. The simplest explanation I default to is that it operates simply as an umbrella term to encompass the diverse range of identities outside of heterosexual and cisgender norms. A positive and affirming catch-all way to describe non-normative existence.

But, am *I* Queer??

This has been on repeat for the better part of a decade. Now as another Pride month unfurls its vibrant colors, celebrating love, acceptance, and authenticity, it’s a time for reflection, introspection, and, for me, a newfound sense of even more liberation.

It all started in a galaxy far, far, away…

Growing up, I felt the weight of societal expectations pressing down upon me, painstakingly molding me into a shape that never quite fit. Sure outwardly I make for a busty, seductive, conventional woman however that’s only one side of twenty to me. But within the welcoming embrace of the BDSM community, I found a sanctuary—a place where I could explore my desires, live out my fantasies, and forge deep connections with like-minded souls.

• Want to wear well worn combat boots with a sexy corset — go for it!
• Talk to your friends about which d*ck you want to use on your partner — sure thing!
• Enjoy consensually making someone call you FemDaddy — please!

Yet, even within this sanctuary, I have grappled with layers of identity that laid buried beneath the surface, yearning to be unearthed. As I have peered deeper into my own psyche, I think I have finally unearthed a truth that has long been whispering in the shadows…

I. Am. Queer. AF.

For me, the journey to self-discovery the past 25 years has been a winding path, marked by moments of unimaginable joy, untold pain, and profound growth. As a lifelong member of the BDSM community, I’ve navigated the complexities of desire, power dynamics, coded gender biases and exclusion, and self identity with a fierce determination to live authentically. I’m always giving this advice in my classes, time to take the hint personally.

Is that all d20?

I know this won’t be a surprise to many who know me. And as someone who vehemently hates labels, this is about embracing another layer that makes up my whole self, unapologetically and unabashedly. It’s about honoring the complexity of innate impulses, the fluidity of identity, and the beauty of love in all its myriad forms.

As I take this bold step forward, please be patient. I haven’t told anyone yet, just you 10,000+ readers. I know when (and if) I choose to share more, I will be met with an outpouring of love and support from my chosen family—the friends, colleagues, and allies who have celebrated me through every tongue biting twist and turn of my journey. Their unwavering acceptance will only reaffirm my belief in the power of community, the strength of vulnerability, and the beauty of authenticity.

A kinky new hope

But my journey doesn’t end with my news (I don’t view as coming out in any way)—it’s only just beginning. I will take my newfound clarity and purpose, and treasure each day as an opportunity to live MY truth, to love fiercely, and to inspire others to do the same.

I welcome you unfold your own rainbow-hued tapestry, stand tall, and shine brightly as a beacon of light and hope for those who are still navigating the twists and turns of their own journey. I will stride forward and embrace the beauty of my Queer identity and the boundless possibilities that lie ahead.

In a world that often seeks to confine us within narrow boxes of identity, I hope my story serves as a powerful reminder that true liberation comes from embracing the full spectrum of who we are—kinks, quirks, and all. So here’s to me, to Pride month, and to the timeless journey of self-discovery and self-love. May we all find the courage to live authentically, boldly, and Queerly, no matter where life’s journey may lead…even if takes 40 years to get there.