Sharing is caring.
But what if you care too much to share?
You would think as a practicer of polyamory I’d fully understand and be able to execute the act if sharing my partners but it doesn’t always end up that way.
This isn’t a post about poly life.
This is a post about the female dominant life and expectations.
I’ve attended many events over the years but my most recent weekend away at a kink event made it apparent. Female dominants are expected to “share” their submissives. What I mean when I say that is if you take a look around at events you’ll notice with male dominants, there’s an air of mutual respect between them. If they see a subby girl sitting on her knees for Master they smile, nod and usually keep going. Sometimes, if they’re feeling bold a hushed comment will be heard under their breath but it’s a very different ball game for female dominants.
If my boy is sitting at my feet other femdoms usually do one or more of the following:
1. Stop and admire
2. Stop and comment on his “obedience”
3. Tell me what a “good boy” he’s being for me
4. Ask to touch his head or body (even if he’s leashed)
5. Ask him if he’s enjoying whatever it is he’s doing
Now while I appreciate the verbal appreciation I wish it were more visual. I don’t like other doms telling me how obedient my boy is or isn’t being. He’s just sitting, that doesn’t take any special skill. Asking to touch him is rude and presumptuous. Asking him if he’s enjoying serving me is a silly question because if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be there!
Has society conditioned females into such a “girl power” mentality that we can’t fathom having something of our own?
Is it rooted in the idea that most femdoms want to be served by multiple men?
Or that most sub men fantasize about being used by as many women as possible at once?
Beyond the verbal interaction there’s an unspoken incorrect line of thinking that most female doms want to “share” their boys among other femdoms. And if you don’t?
What’s wrong with you? Boys are just toys and of course you want to let me pinch, punch, kick, tweak, or otherwise accoste their bodies.
This isn’t my way of thinking. Call me selfish but I suffer from ‘only sub syndrome’. I don’t want to share my submissive. I don’t want to toss him to the she-wolves for play. I don’t want someone else digging their nails in his (my) cock and balls. I’ve worked hard to train him for myself, why does every other femdom get to benefit from that? And I especially don’t want someone else thinking he’s “obedient” to them. I’m not saying I never share him, I’m just saying when I do it’s in what I feel is a respected way by femdom(s) I’ve approached and I feel are worthy of such an offer.
Why do men with female subs get the respect of museum art and female doms with male subs get eye-rolled when they don’t want every woman with a strap-on taking a crack at him?
Are we not allowed to be possessive with our partners?
Do we not deserve the same respective guidelines as our het cis males?
My general rule is if I wouldn’t lend you my heels, my paddle, or my lipstick…you’re not using my sub.
You mean to tell me, you don't peg or share?! *gasp* 😉
Interesting how M/f and F/m differ…
Hello there. I am a new reader to your blog (Misty recommended me here).
I have thought about this topic before and it is an interesting one. The theory I have for it is that a lot of this stems from the amount of work involved with screening potential submissive men. Assuming that many of them spent any amount of time searching online… wading through 10,000 messages, 9,000 of which were cock shots, 900 of which read like they were written on a 2003 cell phone by an 8th grader (e.g. "ur hot domn8 me"), and painstakingly scouring the remaining 100 to find the one sub… there seems to be a bit of an over-riding curiosity factor that seems to push people outside of manners and etiquette. There is also the mutual suffering of the searching experience that occasionally leads to a "we've both suffered through this, let me take him for a test drive" mentality.
After I was chosen by a well-known Domme in our local scene, all these people that had completely ignored me for months at the local munches all of a sudden wanted to get to know me or be buddy-buddy. I often felt this was due to questions of "why him?" or "if she chose him he must be good, I'll try to take him" motive.
Thankfully she did harbor the "hey, don't touch my stuff!" mentality when it came to me unless it was someone from her inner circle. I don't think that you are alone in your feelings on this. I tend to prefer this as well. I like to think of my submission as being special and an act of love… the idea of being passed around to someone neither of us know well or trust isn't really something I'd be super happy about (outside of the fantasy realm).
Our M/f couples on the surface were like how you described, but if it was a play party all of their manners went out the window once the Doms started trying to one-up each other. I have been told in most areas the bulk of the male Doms aren't quite as neanderthal as they are here.
Take care.
Its your game..
Its your choice :))