Eventually…

The longer I am without BDSM the more I yearn for it. I unconvincingly have tried to lie to myself and say “You don’t need this” but fuck it: I do. 

This is my life. 
This is who I am. 

For now anyway… 

Which is why I’m going to meet a new potential slave next week. I’m not doing this because I’m fully sure I am ready for another slave. But what I do know is: I want to be happy. I want to get over my former slave and most of all I just want to feel like myself again. I was thinking of attending a recent BDSM event but when I started talking to some of the attendees I was approached by a number of slaves, all looking for a Mistress that had my exact kinky interests. 

Honestly, I couldn’t face the idea of being swamped by slaves all vying for my attention. The idea alone seemed almost too much to go thru with. So I decided not to attend. But I need to move on. Every time I feel the urge to text him or call him or email him, I just try to remember that I’m the one that hurt him. I’m the one who made him cry. I can do no good for him…no matter how much that hurts to admit. In the meantime I’ve been doing a lot of self-help reading and a lot of refining to make sure the situation I caused a couple months ago does not happen again and most certainly won’t mushroom into a cloud of displeasure. 

So far the things I know about the guy I am meeting next week, I am excited about. I also think the fact that he is 6’6 and I am 4’10 is completely mind-boggling (and a tad erotic). We share very similar interests, we’ve talked about some important deal breakers, we’ve even gone over our personal beliefs within and outside of BDSM and so far we haven’t hit any road blocks. 

So, next week should be interesting to say the least…