The Thinking Dominant: Love

The Thinking Dominant usually has some pretty interesting questions to pose.

The latest ones are no different. Though I have to admit I have been avoiding answering these questions since they’ve been posted in February…I haven’t wanted to offend anyone but I think I’m ready to answer them honestly.

I hope that people reading these remember these are just one Mistress’s opinions, it is not what’s right, it may not even be what is usual, it just based off my perspective…

Topic: Love
Questions:

Is love different in D/s relationships compared to vanilla ones?
Yes. Absolutely. I only say this with such conviction because having been on both ends of the paddle I realize how much trust it takes to obey or command. I don’t think that you can offer that sort of raw-openness in vanilla relationships because intentions (no matter how good) usually are not written out. Part of what makes the D/s relationship work is that both parties know what to expect when going in but in vanilla relationships part of the relationship is the mystery of asking yourself, “Where will this go?”

Do Dominants and submissives love differently?
I am not sure if it is different but I believe it is expressed differently. Again I have to point to the level of trust and communication it takes to make these specific types of relationships to work. It takes a lot of trust to turn your bare ass to someone and know that they will not hurt you even though they have an instrument that could in their hand. Just as it takes trust to know that the submissive is being honest about wanting this and will not later claim abuse, etc.

Have you experienced submissives falling in love faster than Dominants?
I have. As a Dominant (who was briefly a submissive as part of a learning experience) I have to say that many of my submissives feel very deeply for me very quickly. Some not as deep as others but it is surprising how often I hear “I feel like I have known you for a long time”. I believe this comes from the level of intimacy shared between a D/s. It’s an emotional roller coaster when you are in play or a session. And once you are finished or at least calming down you are able to reflect and understand why you just did what you did. I think it’s easier to pinpoint feelings when there is nothing in between the two parties like fancy dinners, small talks getting to know one another, forced dates, etc.

Are there types of love in D/s?
Yes. I think what type of love varies depending on what degree of D/s they are engaged in.

None of this is to say that vanilla relationships are not cable of the level of love expressed in a D/s relationship or vice versa. One does not supersede another. It is just meant to show that some emotion is there. It isn’t all leather, spankings, and obedience.

Because underneath all of that, there are still two people doing something that they enjoy.